Mother's Day Out

In this book I'm reading, which has come highly recommended by nearly every Catholic mother I know, there is a part of it that I have wrestled with since reading. The intent of the book is to help mothers use their days effectively by scheduling necessary events coupled with prayer, leisure and nurturing of a mother and child's soul. 

The author in book has a regularly kept day off. Every other Saturday is her "Mother's Day Out," where she leaves the house for the entire day. She doesn't run errands, take children with her, or have an agenda other than to recharge, regroup and take much-needed time for herself away from the demands of children and family life. She makes it clear that she doesn't go for coffee and come home, she goes the entire day, returning the earliest at 3pm, but most often after the dinner hour. 

My first thought when I read this was, sadly, that I wouldn't even know what to do with myself if I had a day alone. Do I even know how to window shop, get my hair done, go out to lunch, go to Confession, or have private prayer time without the constant interruption of responsibility? 

The author is very blunt in the difficulty this "day off" caused in her marriage at first. Her husband didn't like being left alone with five children all day, had things to do, and didn't want her to leave. Even so, they stuck it out, and year after year the tradition of "Mother's Day Out" held, knowing that for them it was necessary for this busy and overworked mother. 

A few weeks ago my attitude was less than positive, and I was just tired. I kept finding that while home all day with the kids I was trying in little ways to get away from them. I tried to fold laundry with the bedroom door shut. I tried putting on movies for them, or taking an extra long time on the computer. I was just burned out. I had been over six weeks since I had been anywhere without them or had a break. 

Then, on an especially grumpy Saturday Mark politely suggested, "Why don't you just go somewhere?" Where to go? I was -10 below and I didn't know a soul. Desperate for the time away, I hopped in the car and went to the movie theater...alone. I didn't know whether to feel happy or sorry for myself, but there I sat with my popcorn, alone at the big screen on Saturday night. It was humbling, but I needed it. 

A "Mother's Day Out" could mean a lot of different things for different mothers. We have different needs and demands. Some need more time off, some less, but I think the objective is that they need it in some form or another. Just my admission that I wouldn't even know how to spend time away is proof that it's needed. We forget in this season of life that we are more than diapers, wipes, dinner, and preschool. It's difficult to remember, but we are. 

A very wise clergy member once shared with me that one of the biggest priorities for ministry in our new church was to help pastor mothers. He explained how much spiritual, emotional and intellectual nourishment was necessary for them while raising children. "It is a priority to cultivate the entire person," he shared, "When a woman is done raising children, we have to make sure that there is something left of her." It is so easy to forget that our identity is more than our role to our family, and as devoted to them as we are, there are still parts of our hearts that are need growth.

It's a tall order, and something I could go on and on about. Something to reflect on for sure, especially during this Lenten season when we are called to both sacrifice for others (which can be done in the home easily for mothers), but also to deepen our relationship with God and spend added time in prayer, which might require time away, especially for those with little ones.

There's no easy way around it--mothers at home, mothers away. It's all challenging in this season. However, as I prepare myself and our family for another child, I see more and more the necessity of keeping a Mother's Heart in the right place, which, for me, might be as simple as a cup of coffee and the book above.