I want to get rid of our television and be entertained only by family togetherness. I want to play piano better, play guitar and write my own music. I want a lap harp and to be a classical music proficient.
I want to bake bread every morning. No, scratch that. I want to buy grain berries and grind them by hand and THEN bake bread every morning. I want to churn butter with organic honey and eat breakfast in front of a wood stove. I want to pray the Angulus before everyone scatters for the day.
I want to raise free-range chickens and eat their eggs every morning. I want to slaughter them and roast one every Sunday. I want to buy grass-fed beef from a local farmer and make my own beef stocks and soups.
I want to have a vegetable garden with potatoes and tomatoes. I want strawberries and raspberries. I want an apple tree. In the fall I want to can and blanch and freeze and store. I want, I want, I want.
I want to shear alpacas and clean and card their wool. I want a spinning wheel to make yarn. Then, I want to knit hats and mittens and sweaters for cold winter months. I want to learn to sew and mend, to MAKE things and stop BUYING things.
I want my children to hand me Robert Louis Stevenson books to read instead of Spider Man versus Venom. I want to take walks down the river and spend days out of doors; my children appreciating the beauty of nature. I want to run a marathon, swim laps and know self-defense.
I want a dishwasher. Not a 'dishwasher' but an actual dishwasher; someone just sitting in my kitchen waiting for the next oatmeal-crusted bowl. I want a nursemaid and a launderer...and a cook...who can make stone ground berry-wheat bread ;) . I want a vacuum that doesn't make that awful noise when it sucks up Legos and a toilet that can handle even the biggest wad of wet wipes.
I want to smile all the time. I want to sweat the small stuff. I want to love that my floor looks like a zoo blew up on it. I want to accept and embrace and enjoy every single stinkin' moment in my day. I want to not feel tired even though I am.
I want to know, with unwavering confidence, that what I am doing right now is the most important thing that I could be doing, instead of thinking about all the other things that I want to do.
I want so much.
But for today I have to be okay with Barney and Bagel Bites, Spiderman and snow. If the bathroom is clean it means the beds won't get made. If the toys are put away it means the kids will jump on the couch. It all can't get done.
Just for today, we're happy this way.
I'll get the alpacas later.
Giving Love Freely
1 week ago