Thursday, May 19, 2011

A Mouther.

I've called Poison Control a lot. Like...ten times? And seriously, I got so embarrassed about calling 911 to ask for Poison Control that the direct number not only made its way to the refrigerator, but on speed dial of my phone.

The funny part of this is that of the numerous times I've needed Poison Control, it's always the same child who has been the culprit, and wouldn't you know it, it's not the current difficult one.

Yes, Luke, our oldest, is what I'd like to call a "Mouther." A "Mouther" since birth, it wasn't uncommon that I would nurse him for two or three hours on end. I was always frantically picking objects off the floor knowing they'd end up in his mouth (or diaper), and there were many toys that while recommended for ages 3+, I knew that if the pieces fit in his mouth that they'd inevitably be in his mouth.

I imagine that most parents have called the Poison Center for common occurrences like their child eating the toothpaste (check!) or eating more than one vitamin (check!).

But, has your child eaten a dishwasher tablet (check!), or taken a bite out of your favorite Mr. Clean  Magic Eraser (check!)?

Has your four year old bitten through one of those fun glow-in-the-dark necklaces on the way home from a Halloween party and appear to be radioactive? (check!)

Our little woodchuck is soon to be five, and he still puts everything (EVERYTHING) in his mouth. It's not uncommon for us to remind him during the day to take his shoe out of his mouth, a block, to stop licking the doorknob, or to stop biting his toenails. I could go on, but you get the idea.

Maybe you have a child who has similar uncontrollable urges, say, to lick a dollar bill from the till at McDonlads. It's alright, I won't judge. I won't even make that grossed out germophobe face.


I will probably laugh though.


Erin said...

I started laughing right away at this one! We used to be neck in neck in the calls to P.C. race, but it seems you've edged me out, rats. Claire has mellowed with age, and in order for Belle to put anything dangerous in her mouth she would first have to take her fingers out...

You totally need P.C. on speed dial. How else are you supposed to call from your car after your three year old drinks half of your hand sanitizer while you were bagging groceries? (check!)

Little stay at home momma said...

oh man. so funny with the doorknob licking, shoe eating, toenail biting child. I would like to meet him and keep him but make sure to keep him very far from my orally fixated daughter. That would be a match made in- a place filled with diseased saliva. What is it with those dishwasher tablets? Even I want to take a bite out of them sometimes. They shouldn't make them look so delicious.

Anonymous said...

This from the child that chewed on the TV remote control during elementary school?

Elizabeth said...

Well, my daughter isn't particularly bad but she has put quite a few very nasty things in her mouth. And recently she licked the floor at Walmart while I was trying to pay for groceries. I was humiliated, to say the least.

Delena said...

My second child is exactly that way--puts EVERYTHING in his mouth. First he ate half a bottle of TUMS...then he ate part of a tube of Neosporin (he is germ-free, my friends!) then he found a Nicorette lozenge (that was my husband's--and it required a trip to the E.R.), then he swallowed a quarter (still waiting on that refund...)

Mallory said...

Ha Ha Ha! Seriously, you guys crack me up! I'm totally laughing my head off as I read these comments. I'm glad to know I'm not alone :-) .

Anonymous said...

a friend of mine shared that her daughter drank 6..i repeat 6 bottles of grandmas little perfume bottles...they called pc and were told to give her sugar and water as she would become intoxicated..random..anyway, she was fine but here was my thought and her is my thought for my kids as well who put things in their what point do they realize (or don't they i guess) that it doesn't taste good and then take it out? she said her daughter burped perfume for a few days...gross..and another daughter of hers ate a cockroach...i have cousins who ate their doggie poop and went back for'd think instead they'd realize IN SECONDS that it was a mistake...but alas, that is why they are children and I think Gods way of making our days filled with chaotic joy!! ha! maria w.

Anonymous said...

let me clarify that my kids ARE THE KIDS who put things in their mouths as well...when i reread it sounded like i was talking about "everyone elses kid" but i meant my own..mine just haven't done anything crazy weird like cockroach/poop/or perfume yet...but oh the marbles and pennies and lately with our 3 year old it is the top of a water bottle and THAT SCARES ME TO DEATH so working on that...lovely!