I've never been a fan of the phrase "me time." Regardless of the intention, the phrase alone sounds selfish, and rather than a recuperative respite from the rigors of rearing rambunctious rascals, it gives the impression of wanting to escape from the realities of family life.
However, it seems that no matter how you put it, there does seem to come a point when you just need a break. I'm sure it's a combination of a lot of things, and for me, I'm slowly feeling myself burn out one eye roll and PBS episode at a time.
Part of it is the weather. I can't seem to get through the day without fantasizing about trips to the playground, bike riding in the driveway, and days playing in the sand. Heck, I'll even take galoshes and mud puddles at this point. Another part is the kids in general.
Life isn't any different than it normally is, it's just that over time my mental response changes, my patience thins and frustration takes over. It's take a special kind of preparation to wake up every single day and tackle the same obstacles over an over again. With the three year old it's being bombarded at seven in the morning with questions like, "How to you spell Stigymolic? Why did Jesus' crown give him ouies? Did Goliath have a bow and arrow? When can I get a Spiderman watch? Who got me these jammies?" For the baby it's whole plates of food being thrown on the floor after I've swept, a leaky diaper after I've changed the sheets, and the fun game of throwing freshly folded clothes out of the laundry baskets.
I can't complain about these things, really, stuff like this happens everyday. Apple juice spills, the cat pukes on the rug, nap times don't coordinate, an accident happens on the bathroom floor and midway through the day I've changed the kids so many time I've given up on their clothes matching. I really can't complain, this is life, and yet I do complain, because it is wearing both physically and mentally. After so long my ability to cope gracefully and patiently with "life" is lost and I give in to yelling, deep sighs and the ever so lovely eye rolling.
I guess the point is that we DO need breaks sometimes. For me, it can be as little as an walk outdoors on a decent day, lunch with a friend, or sneaking away for coffee during naptime on the weekend. In another season, when the baby is weaned, I'm looking forward to a weekend away with friends; not having to worry about staying up late laughing because of the early morning wake up that follows!
So...who's coming with me ;)
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5 comments:
Mallary -
What a beautiful inspiration you are! Thank you for sharing this . . . it was such a pick-me-up for my own tough day with two little boys!
You do a wonderful job!
I think you are an amazing mom, and coming from a fellow mom who has felt every.single.thing you have talked about, I could REALLY use some time away! I would LOVE to join you on your "rest and recharge" weekend. I think that's better than "me time." :)
Mal....seriously?.....ME TIME is a necessity! It is. And it isn't being selfish. Not one bit. I used to think the same. I used to think "I don't have time for a hobby" or requesting time by myself to run the errands was a selfish request. After all, John works long and hard to provide a wonderful life for us. He needs someone to dote on him in gratitude, NOT the kids yanking at his heals or being bombarded with dirty diapers and dishes. I USED to think these things too. In all reality, you WILL reach a breaking point and often times it isn't pretty. Mark may just KICK you out and force you to take time for yourself. (John did that). ;-)
My point is, your happiness, your attitude, your stress level directly contributes to the kids' (whether they show it or not). Yes, they need you. But you need to make sure your needs are met as well. Maybe not first, but certainly NOT completely disregarding them. Take the time Mal. It is worth it. Even just a walk outside for 15 minutes.....running to the store for milk by your self.....whatever.
Take it. You are NOT selfish for that. Not one bit.
Thank you all for your responses, and please, keep them coming if you wish!
Theresa, I hear you and I really understand where you're coming from. It's funny that I'm reading this right now, because I just got back from a trip to Caribou, basically telling Mark that the kids were better off without me tonight :( . So yes, I think that at times it IS IS IS necessary, and I absolutely agree that we (as mothers) cannot lose ourselves so much in our family life that we lose our identity in the process. So, yes, I agree with everything you have written.
My beef is the connotation that "me time" gives, the phrase, that is. I guess I've just seen too many children neglected of love, attention and affection because of their mothers' insatiable quest for "me time," and outside endeavors, know what I mean?
I think that balancing it all is an art that I have yet to perfect...on both sides of giving and receiving. Thank you for calling me out though, Theresa, and please, I think honest conversations about these topics are really important. We're trying are HARDEST to do the best we can do, and let's be honest, on some days our mental health can be on the line.
I like this dialogue...
FYI: one of "those" days. John got home about 10 minutes ago and got, "I hate to do this to you, but I really really really need 20 minutes of no kids, no calls, no timers, no serving, no nothing. Please??...."
I got a kiss on the cheek and swat on the butt.
I am currently "surfing" and it is bringing me such.........surface peace I can't even tell you. ;-)
One of those days.....
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