Neglect

I'm certainly not being the post-ess with the most-ess after my big comeback last week. It's not that I'm drained of bloggable (is that a word) moments, quite to the contrary. Just a few minutes ago Luke had to go potty and pulled his pants down to his ankles before realizing that that the nearest toilet was down a flight of stairs. He went down the stairs with with his pants constricting his short little legs and looked quite like a penguin as maneuvered his way down. A good mother might have helped him, knowing how clumsy he already is and trying to avoid a third bout of stitches in his face, but no, I sat on the couch and laughed. He makes me laugh.

We've been as goofy and ridiculous as ever, it's just that I am really not at peace right now. It's hard enough to play with your kids, smile, laugh and try to live life normally, let alone blog about arbitrary happenings in our day.

I'm still waiting on news. We received good news this week, but it's not the end of it. I have to wait another long week for final news. Unfortunately, not even the good news gave me relief.

I didn't always use to be this anxious. Then again, I didn't always have two precious souls relying on me for nearly everything and a husband whom I adore. It changes everything. The past week has to have been one of the hardest trials I have ever endured. In my head is constant conflict between trusting God while being scared out of my mind.

Our own senses can be terrible burdens at times. As hard as I plead with myself not to worry or get upset, not to think the worst, my mind won't cooperate. Even though chances are on my side that I'm just fine, it doesn't matter, fear has gripped me and won't let go. Fear has to be the greatest pain I've ever experienced, and while I can't change the fact that I'm a nervous-nelly, worry-wart, I can at least be comforted knowing that everything good or bad, important or insignificant, all serves a purpose beyond me and greater than I can ever understand.

We'll wait, and pray, and hope. I'll worry, but I'll try even harder not to worry.

Until then...