A Love Story.

I want to write a little post about adoption. A friend did recently, and having had it on my mind lately, I wanted to spread the word myself.

There are few things in life that I feel are as selfless and loving as adoption. I am under thirty, and already have three different friends under thirty who have adopted. It's beyond beautiful. I am closely acquainted with several couples, who, while a few years older than me, have adopted, and now are praying for a second adoption.

Last year I met a woman who adopted, with her husband, a daughter with Down Syndrome from China. This year, a couple from college will bring home their son from Eastern Europe, living with Down Syndrome in an orphanage. Another couple from college brought their daughter home this year from South Korea. And other friends have adopted through the foster care system, and open adoptions. We know couples still waiting for their son or daughter to be born and brought to their home, or for the legal system to finalize the bonds already made.

To call these couples heroic is an understatement. They were called to love, were open to that call, and have proceeded fearlessly with the trust they would be carried through their trials. From what they share, the blessings are far beyond any burden.

I want to share the websites that have been brought to my attention through my friends who are closely associated with their missions.

The first is Reece's Rainbow, a ministry dedicated to spreading the word about orphans with disabilities in other countries. Many of these countries are post-communist, with the after-effects being that the birth parents of these children believe that the orphanages and institutions are better equipped to raise children with disabilities. Many of these children are left in cribs day in and day out, and if not adopted by age 5, are sent to live in adult institutions.

China is harsh place for children who don't fit the "ideal." Girls are given up for simply being born female, and the pressure to have the perfect child with a one-child limit means there are many children who are left at the mercy of missionaries. The Little Flower Project is a beautiful ministry in China, run by Americans (from my alma mater...!). You can find them on Facebook, and their blog is fantastic; the pictures they post daily, and the care and love they show these infants is nothing short of a miracle. Sometimes these babies are given up just for being born small! It is a wonder to see their transformations!

 As is often said, a family cannot bring them home unless they know their child is waiting. Getting the word out is important. Spread the word, do what you can, and be passionate for the love of children. After all, women, whether mothers or not, are given the great gift of being instinctively maternal, a gift from our Creator. We were made to love, to give our whole hearts to another.

Here we go...again (but not in the moving or job sense, Thank God!!)

We've been so blessed since moving into our new home in January. Everyone was flourishing and happy, and we have had so much to be thankful for. In addition to adjusting to our new home, we were all adjusting to the different seasons that Mark's new job would bring. Shortly after the new year, a busy schedule turned into a crazy busy schedule in preparation for a trial.

We all rolled with it, and did what was necessary to keep our family going. This often meant dinner in shifts, so the little guys could eat earlier. The family dinner was turned into Mark eating leftovers, while the kids chased each other around the table with their jammies on.

And then, because the trial location was over two hours away, and because frequent depositions are required before trial, Mark ended up needing to be gone often during the week. Again, we took it in stride.

It was during one of these trips away that I realized I was pregnant.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know, I know, crazy, right? I mean, I'm going to have a baby right after Thanksgiving, right before Christmas, and my 3rd and 4th children are only going to be about 20 months apart. But...It is good. Life, children, family; another eternal soul is always good. We needed to fill up that last seat in our minivan anyway.

Since the time I found out I was expecting, a week hasn't gone by in the first trimester where I have had an entire week with my husband home. Fortunately, I have sweet children and a toddler who takes two naps a day. Without that saving grace, many more tears over exhaustion would have been shed.

But this time around, knowing my limits, I have little to no guilt about popping in a movie for the kids at 10am while the baby naps and I shut my burning eyes for the few minutes I can get away with it. If they want leftover chicken for breakfast, or insist that strawberries are all they want for lunch, I just let them.

I mean, when you are in your first trimester, it's sink or swim. To stay afloat, I just have to let some things go. You know, like vacuuming, and oral hygiene. (Just kidding. Sort of.)

So, this summer brings a few challenges, but a lot of joy, not to mention a heck of a lot of dill pickles, tomatoes, potatoes and bananas. I don't expect the brown sugar craze to start for awhile...

Thanks guys!

Celebration.

Last night was a big night. A first! My 9 month old slept through the night, for the first time in his life!!!!

This is no small feat. You see, Michael has always woken at least once or twice a night to nurse. This is old hat for moms, and not worth complaining about. This fall, however, a familiar pattern started that has happened with our older two boys. Twice a night nursing quickly increased exponentially--four times a night, bi-hourly, and then came the inability for him to sleep in his crib all together. For a time, the only way I could catch even an hour of sleep in the night was to sleep flat on my back with Michael cradled in my arm next to me.

I think most moms have experienced what I would call true sleep deprivation. For me, I become intellectually useless, and frequently lose my words in the middle of a sentence, or have the complete inability to focus. I also get a bouts of insomnia. I'll get so tired that I can't take nap during the day if I tried, or I'm so tired, but I still can't fall asleep at night.

Sleep is a big deal. And, I think it's worth celebrating! A week after Michael's tubes, and I think I can say that they were a success! I'm hoping for a better-hearing baby, more sleep for the whole house, and a refreshed, energetic mother who doesn't wake up thinking, "Okay, how well can I function today on two hours of sleep?"

Yes, yes, even though it is record cold outside, it's brighter than sunshine over here :) .

The Wonder of it all.

We're turning a corner as we're nearing a full year since we moved away for Mark's job. It hasn't been easy, and at times we both, along with our kids, have experienced the loneliness and isolation that being in a new, rural area brings. It sounds cliche, but through being alone with our little family we've learned a lot about appreciation, what makes us happy, and what we really want. Indeed, of the several new locations to which we've moved, this one has been the most challenging.

And with the transition to a new geography, we had a baby along the way. Michael is a blessing beyond words. I wrote about our second son, Paul, that having him didn't teach me to be a mother as it did the first time around, but helped me to embrace and love the sacrifice and joy that our days bring.

Having a single word like "embrace" and "teach" encompassed the first two children, and if I had to pick a word for the third, it would be a toss-up between "wonderment" and "freeze." Freeze, because I want time to stand still, I want to hold my growing baby as a newborn. I don't want him to start solids so soon, I don't want him to crawl away from me or cut a tooth. It's just happening too quickly.

And wonderment. What can I say? I started this post sharing the challenge of our past year. Then today I watched as my little one reached to grab a toy hanging over his head. It's so hard! He grabbed it, pulled it down and quickly put it in his mouth. The big boys were so excited, "Look, Mom! Look what Michael did!" We were so happy, and yet, it was such a simple thing. Still we marveled at how this baby is growing day by day, and the smallest of milestones brings us all wonderment as this very loved child gives us a greater perspective on the joys that every day can bring.

Cliche or not, I can't recall rejoicing when my first two reached for a toy and held it in their hand. Lesson learned. If the obstacles we've faced in the last year taught us anything, it was to appreciate the Wonder of it all. It's been worth it.

Post-Baby Workout.

I've made it no secret that I've put on momentous amounts of weight during my three pregnancies. While I was resigned to it during this pregnancy and knew what to expect, I can't help but be a bit impatient waiting for it to come off. Exercise is not important to me only to lose weight and tone my body, but I actually thrive when I am active. My anxiety seems to melt away along with the calories, and I find my head clearer. Indeed, a good walk on a bad day can turn me around in a heartbeat.

Since we're not in our suburb anymore and I'm not able to walk on the asphalt trails for pedestrians, nor am I able to maintain the hour long P90X workouts that my husband does, I've been doing Jillian Michaels 30-day Shred, which, I think, packs a decent workout in 20-30 minutes. At this point, 30 minutes is about all I'm able to commit to during the day with three boys.

The thing I've found most humorous with the Jillian Michaels' workouts is how apparent it is that she has never delivered a baby.

How do I know this, you wonder?

Well, because the workout goes a little something like this:
Jumping Jacks,
Butt Kicks,
Jump Rope,
Plank Jumps,
Plank Kicks,
Jumping Jacks,
Double Jumps,
High Knee,
Low Knee,
PEE!
PEE!!!!!
PEE!!!!!!!!

A Charm: A Birth Story

I'll start by saying that the last few weeks of this pregnancy were not fun. In fact, I was in a great deal of pain. My hands did not work, and they hurt all of the time. My hips and pelvis were pained to the extent that getting out of bed or up and down from chairs was excruciating. Yes, excruciating. There were times in the night Mark thought I was in labor because of how much groaning and moaning it took to get in and out of bed. I tried as hard as I could not to complain about it, but it was definitely taking its emotional toll on me, and my family.

Exactly a week before labor, I began to show more significant signs of impending labor. I was only 37 weeks, but I was feeling so incredibly awful, that I believed the signs whole-heartedly and hung on for what I believed to be the last few days or week of pregnancy. Each night, in addition to the signs of labor, I had painless but very intense contractions for hours at a time, fizzling out as I went to bed. Inevitably, the progress these contractions were making only made me more miserable moving around during the day.

I emailed my mom, who was on call for the birth. I warned that although I might be getting my hopes up, that I didn't think I was going to hold on to this baby much longer. Reaching a breaking point, I even emailed Mark to possibly take a sick day BEFORE the baby came to help me care for the kids because I was having such a difficult time. After a few emotional breakdowns, an incredible day-long burst of energy where not only the house got cleaned but the freezer and pantry got stocked, and finally, a last dinner night out, Monday night came.

I went to bed and began to pray a Rosary. I had just  finished the third Joyful Mystery, The Nativity of our Lord, when I felt a small pop on the top of my belly. I smiled and said to myself, "So, this, is how it's going to happen." Mark was upstairs exercising, and I took twenty minutes or more downstairs collecting my thoughts, changing my clothes, slowing my mind down and preparing for all that lay ahead in the night to come. I even blogged ;-) .

"Mark," I said as I interrupted his workout. He looked confused. It's rare for me to be up this late. "The baby's coming," I said calmly. After some disbelief, we got down to business. Contractions hadn't started yet, and we had some work to do. I called the midwife, and Mark began inflating the birthing pool and arranging the birth kit on the dresser. We had the sheets changed and ready to. After an hour or so, we began to time contractions, which were starting to come more frequently and requiring more concentration.

By the way, there's an iPhone contraction app. There's an app for that!

In the two hours it took for the midwife to arrive, contractions went from 6 minutes apart to two. When she arrived the room was dark, and I was being kept warm on the bed. The mood would have had you thinking there was a sleeping baby, not a laboring woman, in the room. She whispered tender words to me, encouraged Mark, and got me moving around for the last stretch of labor. I focused intently on breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth, and, taking every bit of Bradley knowledge in my head, worked tirelessly at relaxing every bit of tension in my body. It was strong, hard work, and very intense, but at the same time relaxing, peaceful and productive. The contractions came every minute now, and I accepted them with imagery of peddling up a hill and then coasting down. Every part of it was controlled and calm.

I got in the tub an hour after the midwife arrived. Afraid to know, I finally asked her how far she thought I had progressed (she hadn't checked). She smiled and said, "Mallory, you were fully dilated before you got in the tub." I could hardly believe it. What? The hard part was over? That quickly? With no yelling or screaming or moaning and groaning, packing and pacing and craziness? What? It's over that easily? Wow!

The next twenty minutes were the most difficult part of the labor. Baby was descending, but I couldn't push him. Trying to push was very painful, as if I was pushing against a strong, painful resistance. I couldn't do it, and I even said out loud that I couldn't do it. Having been able to push two previous children out rapidly, this was very frustrating. My midwife was constantly reassuring, saying that even though I wasn't able to push, that I making progress nonetheless. She was right, and twenty minutes later, even without me pushing, the baby was visible and I was finally able to productively push. (Baby came out with a blister on his finger and immediately sucked on his fingers after birth. Although we can't be certain, we think he may have been sucking on his hand during his descent and was somewhat lodged, which is why I couldn't effectively push during that phase).

For a small moment I lost my focus, clenched my teeth and let out a high-pitched "Eek." My midwife calmly reminded me to relax my mouth, to make low groans and grunts, and I was back on track. Before I knew it I heard the words, "Grab your baby," and Michael came up from the water and onto my chest. Mark and I were overcome with emotion. For the next twenty minutes we sat, me in the tub with the baby, and Mark right outside of it, gazing and loving our precious son. After that, we cleaned up while the midwife examined the baby, we crawled into bed and shut our eyes when the older boys woke up to their new brother.

What a positive experience this was! My first birth was full of necessary interventions and I was very grateful to have the medication that the hospital provided me. It was a difficult labor though, and fear of labor is what caused me to delay so badly in getting to the hospital with the second delivery. Through my own fault, the second delivery ended up being more traumatic than the first because of how quickly it went and how uncontrolled and hectic it was. Everyone was in a panic and the recovery took months. This, my third delivery, was not only an incredible confirmation of how my body was capable of having a child without emotional trauma, but it also forced me to face my fears and accept them. I've been healed of old wounds and left with only peace and excitement over our new baby.

Another quick labor for me (from the start of contractions to delivery was less than 3 hours, closer to five from the start of my water breaking), but I can't complain. All went well and better than I could have imagined.

In this case, the third time really was the charm :-)

Update.

Ever heard of a 'Runners High'? Well, I have a "Mother's High."

We welcomed our son Michael at 4am this morning after a peaceful and quick labor at home, as planned, with a midwife.

Our little boy was 7lbs, 12oz and 22 inches long. Quite the size for a baby two weeks early, covered with white vernix, without a single wrinkle on his feet! I think the boy ran out of room!

I'm a little spent, a little wired, a little sore, and a little on top of the world. There isn't a crazy story to share other than my water broke after finishing the "Nativity" decade of the Rosary at 11pm (how fitting). Contractions started an hour later, our midwife arrived an hour after that, and two hours later we were holding our baby in a big, blue, birthing pool.

Our homebirth may have come as a surprise to some of the readers. It's something I decided not to share for many reasons. It was our "plan," but with things like birth that are impossible to plan, I thought it better to play things out as they went and then to share my soapbox later. All I have to say for now is that I'm incredibly grateful that I didn't have to go through transition in a car going 90mph, and that for how quickly my last two deliveries have been, that this one was calm, controlled, and concentrated--all things needed for an intense and fast labor.

I've just carbo-loaded, Nonna is here to put kids down for a nap, and I'm going to try to get my racing brain and swelling heart to rest.

Pictures to come when I'm able to walk up the stairs :-).
Yeah for life! Praise God for these beautiful children we are given to love!!!!

Declaration.

Full-Term, Baby!!!!!!


Which means that having this baby is the absolute only thing on my mind. Which means that I am useless with anything else other than pondering the imminent arrival of Baby Boy. Which means that if I bring home two pounds of bacon from the store and accidentally put it in the spare bathtub overnight where the Easter toys are hidden that you'll just understand. Which mean that when the Wal-Mart cashier asks me "When are you going to pop," that I just humor him, because why would I cry about that when I can cry about the glass that I dropped on the counter and shattered into the dishwasher full of clean dishes. Perspective, people! 

Just stick with me these next one...two...three weeks...whatever it takes. We're gonna' get there!

Baby Prep #3

After my whining and ranting last week, this week I'm determined to get a few more things off of my to-do list. The snow and ice, as much as I hate it, gives me no choice other than to get more accomplished around the house.

First, we made and froze banana muffin batter. We all really like banana muffins, and each of these bags should make about 18 regular sized muffins. We usually make 12 regular muffins and a pan for baby muffins.

Next, I made ten pounds of mashed potatoes and froze them into cute little quart-sized freezer bags. Are my mashed potatoes orange? Yes they are. My genius of a cook mother-in-law adds a sweet potato to her mashed potatoes. For ten pounds of potatoes, I added two sweet potatoes. We don't like sweet potatoes, but the mild taste of them in mashed potatoes is wonderful. Plus, it makes them more nutritious.

Finally, the boys and I made some homemade detergent. It can be a mess to make, but I've done it so many times now that it doesn't phase me. Today I made over 5 gallons of detergent, hoping it will last four or more months. I added some lavender essential oil to it just because I had it on hand.

 Here are the boys helping me to grate two bars of Fels Naptha. The Wal-Mart here carries it for $1. Our previous town did not carry it and so I had to buy it at a hardware store. Incidentally, the Wal-Mart doesn't carry Borax, so I still go the hardware store for that. If you can't find Washing Soda at Wal-Mart, try another grocery store, or else hardware stores always carry it.

Here's the detergent all ready to go. To make it easier to use, I scoop it from the bucket and through a funnel into an empty liquid laundry jug. My $0.02 on homemade laundry detergent is that it works pretty well. My husband has to wear a dress shirt and tie everyday, and the boys' clothes are always filthy, so I can be pretty fussy about the laundry. The first time you make it it can seem like a lot of extra effort, but it's really not bad. The only thing I miss is that the clothes don't come out smelling like anything. They are clean, but I actually like the smell of Tide and the faint fragrance of fresh clothes. If I can't hang the clothes on the line to dry to get the smell I love, then I improvise and throw in a dryer sheet.

Just a month...or so.

This week it happened. We all knew it was coming; it comes at different times for different people. But on Tuesday I told Mark those fateful words, "I'm ready to not be pregnant anymore."

He was most understanding, and even cheered me on for getting to this point with just a month (or so...) left of this pregnancy, as opposed to some people who are mentally and physically spent with months and months to go.

I explained it to him simply: Two weeks ago I was fine, but two weeks later I'm bigger, and I feel it in every bone of my body. The boys have no more lap to sit on, simple tasks are becoming difficult ones, and sleep just isn't happening. I take the last walk down the stairs at night grimacing with every step, and then wake up in the morning contemplating for a second if I was in a bar fight the night before.

I have healthy pregnancies and healthy children, and I realize that I don't have a lot to complain about, but still, it doesn't mean that mothers during their last month of pregnancy don't go through their own emotional and physical battles.

A few years ago a dear family member gave me this book (more like a pamphlet, but still good). It's perfect for Lent, and even more perfect for Lent when you're pregnant. Keeping my small sufferings in check with a bigger picture (i.e., Christ's suffering on the Cross), has helped me immensely in realizing that my suffering will bring forth new life, and to join that to Christ's suffering who gave us life. Nothing like a mother's prayer book to keep perspective.

Thoughts?

I am very close to buying a Moby Wrap. Other than a Baby Bjorn, I've never had any other "Baby Wearing" device.

My logic for the Moby is that I've borrowed slings, and I don't like the way they feel, and the baby hasn't liked them much, either. The baby does a little better in the Bjorn, but it ends up being killer on my back. I thought, what if I could get a snug hold for baby, plus something that would feel supportive on my back. Plus, it would be easy to wash, carry around in a diaper bag, and is more reasonable priced that other wraps.

Thoughts? Objections? Suggestions? 

Help me, please!

Baby Prep #1

Here is the first of a series of posts I intend to do about freezing meals for after our baby arrives. My first, Chicken Wild Rice Soup, is a family favorite. Even though our baby is due in the spring, a lot of freezer meals will end up being more wintry food, just because they freeze better. But, for me, Chicken Wild Rice beats corn dogs and fries any day of the year, so I'm all for it. I'll post pictures now, then the complete recipe at the bottom. 

First you gotta melt some butter. This is a double recipe, so it's 12 TBS. Yes, 1200 calories, but don't think about that just yet, remember, it's a double recipe. 

Is there a better smell than celery and onions sauteed n butter? I attest there is not!

Then you have to get your roux on. Make sure to stir it so it doesn't get lumpy. Have some carrots or almonds? Add them!

The important part. We tend to think a rotisserie tastes the absolute best in this soup, and it's often the cheapest way to add good chicken. 

Don't forget the wild rice. 

The finished product. 

After a full dinner, here are the leftovers. For our family, this means two dinners, plus two lunches in containers for Mark. 

A Word about Wild Rice. It's a Minnesota product, and while it's expensive here, I imagine it's much more elsewhere. The nice thing about soup is that it's tough to screw up, so even if you have a small amount of wild rice, just use what you have. 

Wild Rice Prep: This is how I like to prepare it.

-Rinse wild rice, soak in double the amount of liquid overnight, i.e., 1 cup of rice, 2 cups of water. 

-Bring to boil, cover, reduce heat to low and simmer for one hour. Leave it alone! Don't open or stir. 

-The amount of rice wild when cooked will double, i.e. 1 cup of uncooked wild rice yields 2 cups of cooked rice.

Chicken Wild Rice Soup: The basis for this recipe is from my mother in law (Thank you!) I've tweaked a few things to add more of what we like and have taken out ingredients that we don't keep in cupboard. No one seems to mind. I'm posting the double recipe for the sake of freezer storage. This makes A LOT of soup!

12 TBS butter                    3 TBS chopped/slivered almonds (optional)

1 onion, minced                  2-3 C half and half (or more if you like your soup less thick)

1 C flour                             Salt and pepper to taste ( we like a lot of pepper)

6 C chicken broth               2 C cooked and cubed/shredded chicken. We use a rotisserie.

2 C cooked wild rice          3 celery stalks finely chopped 

3 finely grated carrots

1. Melt butter in LARGE stock pot, add onion and celery, saute until tender (~10 min)

2. Blend in flour, gradually stir in broth (theoretically you could use MORE broth and LESS cream if you're into the whole lower calorie sort of thing). 

3. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, bring to boil for 1 minute. 

4. Stir in rice, carrots, almonds, salt and pepper, simmer 5 minutes

5. Blend in half and half

Amount: 12+ cups. 

This is a SUPER filling soup. I make it with bread sometimes, but other times, we just eat it with a side of cut-up fruit. 

Tip of the Week.

Our family likes potatoes, but we also mix potatoes around with other starches like rice and pasta. This means that we often can't get through an entire bag of potatoes without some going bad.

But, did you know that it takes the same time to boil one potato as it does 10lbs? On dinner days where I'm planning making mashed potatoes, I will cook and mash as much as an entire bag. After dinner, once we've used up we've eaten and the rest have cooled, I portion them into quart-sized freezer bags, flatten them somewhat for easy stacking, and put them in the freezer. 

Once they are frozen, all you have to do is thaw, put in an oven-safe dish, cover and heat to have a dirty-pan free side dish for dinner. They taste just the same, and some people think they are even better, especially those who heat theirs uncovered to have a nice crunchy top. 

This tip takes VERY little prep time. Since making mashed potatoes can be a dirty job anyway, why not just make them in bulk and have one mess to clean? I'm a believer. Try it, and I think you'll agree! 

Post-Partum Prep

I will state pretty boldly that the uniform for a mom at home with kids is cotton, cotton, cotton. All the spills, dirty fingers, and being a human kleenex is as much of an explanation that I need to give!

Additionally, the first two months post-partum have to the messiest, most destructive time for clothing. I've narrowed my post-partum clothing down to a system. I buy new, cheap cotton shirts that fit me loosely for those hours upon hours of nursing. They get stained and bleached with the whole gamut of bodily fluids. They are washed so often that they soon develop small holes. After they are sufficiently faded and worn to embarrassment, they become pajama shirts. This whole process takes three months.

Anyone who has ever nursed a newborn knows exactly what I'm talking about.  And, as much as I like to buy nice, quality clothing that will last, for daily shifting sizes, diaper blowouts and breastmilk leaking on every imaginable surface, now is just not the time.

My go-to for post-partum clothing is www.oldnavy.com. I will wait until I can get both a discount PLUS free shipping, and then order every cheap cotton shirt that I think I will wear. I'll often buy them in different sizes, too, knowing that sizing will shift. I like Old Navy because the clothes are cheap, oftentimes cheaper than anything I can get at Target, or other lower end clothing stores like Kohls. Old Navy always has cotton shirts on sale, and while the quality is lacking, they are lightweight and perfect for nursing. They are brightly colored, and when they inevitably get stained and garbage ready, they are perfectly comfortable for night sleeping (and nursing).

The snow is actually melting today, which makes me dream of spring. I might start my online shopping today...and in some weeks, you can expect me to be wearing this, everyday, in every color.